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I can’t remember many instances where I’ve been benched by a girl, but it’s been pretty easy to benchthem.” Part of what makes benching so attractive is its plausible deniability.
In a city where you can run into the guy who Gchat-dumped you or the jerk who ghosted after two months of dating, benching passes the sidewalk-run-in test exquisitely.
You no longer have to take someone to lunch or buy them a martini or even have a face-to-face conversation.
“There’s this great line in that we’re all a bunch of 10s looking for 11s.
‘Sure, you’re great, but maybe someone’s better,’” says Billy.
“If I’m not forced to make that decision, then I won’t. ’” Benchers will tell you that their behavior is a way to put a relationship on hold, to hit pause before deciding how they really want to play it.
No successful relationship was ever born from a situation in which one person strung the other along until — in a moment of epiphany — he realized everything glorious and noble and luminescent was in front of him all along.
Know that if it’s happening to you, you’re getting dumped, even if the bencher doesn’t know it yet.The benchee is complicit because he wantsit.” Jean, a 31-year-old writer living in New York, thinks women are falling for the bencher’s perceived niceness. “I won’t actually hang out one-on-one because I want to avoid any confusion for her about my interests,” he says, “but I’ll still text with her, often a few days after those botched plans.“The guys who’ve benched me are always doing the ‘How are you? She’ll say something like, ‘You’re too busy for me,’ and I’ll laugh and change the subject.“If I were ever to bump into somebody that I’ve benched,” says Billy, “I’d have nothing to feel bad about.I would put on a smiling face and say hello and ask how he was doing, and he’d have no reason to do anything but the same.” The bencher can walk around feeling like his karmic balance is fully in equilibrium — what’s the worst thing someone can say about him?