Last May, I wrote a piece about “situationships” – a situation where two people act as though they are in a relationship without really ever defining a label for it.I talked a lot about my thoughts on why this isn’t such a bad thing, though many times the person who wants more from their partner can see it as such.Since originally writing it, I’ve been on a lot of first dates. But that’s not really fair to ask of others either.It’s taken me almost 24 years to fall in love with , and I still have days when I can barely say I “like” myself, let alone love!I’d love for you all to give it a read before continuing here. I graduated from grad school, and I moved into a nicer apartment in a great neighborhood, and in a lot of ways my life was “settling down.” And I continued to put myself out there and then become disinterested in pursuing something long term with any of the people I dated. I think I was putting way too much pressure on myself to have people fall head over heels for me in just one date.I’ve had plenty of time to give this article, and the concept of a “situationship,” a lot of thought. And it’s true that some people are just not compatible. But I really felt that I was looking for something more and it just wasn’t happening for me, and I wasn’t disappointed in the fact that some of these first dates never turned into second dates, I was disappointed in myself for wanting something more and being vulnerable. I wanted someone to pursue me, to feel as though I was good enough, now that my life was taking turns for the better.It is a waste of your time and energy to pursue people who are not pursuing you. Sometimes, people have circumstances in their life where they just aren’t ready for a relationship, or they aren’t ready for the type of commitment that you want to give them. You deserve to feel secure with the person you are with, and you shouldn’t accept anything less.And when a level of maturity is reached where you can date someone for months and communicate your feelings effectively without needing to put a label on it, The other person should be the only thing that is important, not a label.
What can I do to better myself to the point where I don’t need someone else?We are in what you could call a “situationship” where we are exclusive and see each other often, without labels. And we talk about what we are feeling and where we want to grow someday.But we aren’t putting pressure on ourselves this early to be ready for that yet.And that’s the kind of foundation I’d want for any of my future relationships.To update on my own situation, I met a guy a few months ago and we immediately hit it off.